Where I’m Going
Now that I’ve told you–briefly–what I’ve been up to the last two years, let me talk to you about where I’m going.
The truth is–I have no idea.
It’s terrifying. I have a direction. I have a goal. But I certainly don’t have a map. No GPS directions, no ability to check if I’m on the right path. I only have my heading and the ability to take it one step at a time.
Here is what I do know.
I have tried every job under the sun and none of them felt like they fit. I’ve come to accept this. It’s probable that, despite the fiction that we were sold when we were young and that they’re still selling, your job isn’t really about fulfillment and living your best life and all of that jazz. It’s a job to pay the bills. To buy the things you want. And then you get your fulfillment in the time that is your own.
The optimistic, idealist side of myself is highly disappointed in this conclusion. She is still looking to the future with bright eyes, sure that the job for me is around the corner and that it will provide both financial security and joy.
But I know where my ‘joy’ comes from. It comes from writing stories, playing with words, and building worlds. It comes from good coffee, good music, doggy cuddles, and time with my husband. It comes from laughing with friends and crying with them too sometimes.
Most of that doesn’t happen during ‘work hours.’
But, that doesn’t mean my job has to make me miserable. There are people all over the world designing their own day and creating their own opportunities. So I’m trying it.
Here is my plan.
I’m going to keep writing. My first novel is under its final revisions after a professional developmental edit. I need to send it to a couple of beta readers for final feedback, then a proofreader to catch those pesky commas, and then out into the world.
I will find a job to pay the bills. At this point, I’m letting go of the idea of jobs I ‘should’ be pursuing based on my education or ability. Or what I think other people will think of me based on whatever way I’ve decided to pay my bills. I’m spreading my net wide and seeing what opportunities I can catch.
I’ve begun some freelance writing and I’m setting myself up as a proofreader as well. I’m taking a course called Proofread Anywhere to hone my skills and teach me what that type of business would look like.
I’m applying for jobs. I’m writing freelance. I’m learning new skills. I’m meeting new people.
In other words, I’m doing my best to put in the work and trusting that everything will work out.
At the end of the day, that’s the only thing we can do.
So this is your official invitation to join me on the ride. I know some will join so that they can shake their heads, hem, haw, and say things like “I told you so.”
As Mr. Bennet once said, “For what do we live, but to make sport of our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn” (Austen, Pride and Prejudice).
I know others will join so they can cheer me on, and I am so grateful for you. I need you.
On an adventure recently, I told a friend that there were many things that scared me–like hiking across five feet of snow for a mile with no clear trail or crossing a bridge that was made of metal rails and you could see straight to the ground a hundred feet below. But…I would still do them. I can still do them. Even when my fear makes me breathless.
So, breathlessly, I’m putting one foot in front of the other. I know where I’ve been. I know where I’m headed. And everything else will come in time.
